Wednesday, 1 July 2009
WWE Spoiler Alert Report 01
(THIS POST IS UNFINISHED, I'M TIRED. I'LL ADD MORE LATER)
I regressed to a 14 year old boy about 7 months ago, this was achieved by watching wrestling. My previous experience of wrestling is short, I think I used watch it a little back when the big rivalry was between the Undertaker and Yokozuna. This may even be not true, due to the fact that I have bad memory. It's possible that I may have simply watched one or two episodes at a friends house, it's just everything seemed so much more important and grander back then. Events that transpited over a week, now feel like they went on for months, when I look back at them.
I don't know why I started watching it again, I guess I was bored. At first I was watching TNA Wrestling as well as WWE, but I'm not watching TNA anymore, beause the "Main Event Mafia" was annoying, and... I dunno, TNA just seems to kind of suck sometimes. Even though some of the actual wrestling is pretty good.
I now just watch the WWE shows, besides WWE Superstars, which isn't on UK TV. I could download it, but WWE shows are long, so the video sizes are large. In the time I've been a viewer, I've watched Wrestlemania 25, Backlash 2009, Judgement Day 2009, and The Bash 2009. There may have been another special, but I can't remember it. I was supprised to find that since Wrestlemania 25 (2009), theres been a PPV event every month, the most recent one being The Bash, the next one is called something like Champions Night, I think. No I cannot be bothered to do research right now. I'm not going to write about older events, because I can't remember and I can't be bothered. I'll do quick summories. By the way, even if I do write any reviews, the will be very short, it's the way I am. I like to call them 'mini' reviews.
Wrestlemania 25-
This was dissapointing, it's been the worst PPV I've seen. It was also the only one that was still an actual PPV in the UK. While other not so big ones are free in the UK.
Backlash 2009-
Possibly the best PPV I've seen, can't remember what happened, but I remember it was awesome. Essentually it was the "backlash" to the events that happened at Wrestlemania 25. Rivalries had better resolutions here, as opossed to Wrestlemania 25.
Judgement Day 2009-
This was rubbish, but not quite as bad as WM25.
Extreme Rules 2009-
Just added this one, completely forgot about it for some reason. Extreme Rules was great actually, mostly because of one of the best matches I've ever seen; Edge Vs Jeff Hardy. Edge is my favorite wrestler, even though his actual wrestling abilities aren't that great. It's just his character that is so entertaining. Though this match was the first I'd seen inwhich he did some actual cool stuff, it was good because he actaully wrestled this time, while usually he just cheats or something.
Fatal Four Way;
This was ok but forgettable. Kofi Kingston defends his US Championship and wins, I wasn't supprised, he's only had it for a little while.
Chris Jericho Vs Rey Mysterio;
Excellent match, 2nd best to the main event, which was Edge Vs Jeff. This fight was very technical, lots of good grab reversals. I watched this match twice, the second time I noticed it's prety obvious when they're whispering to each other what to do next. Especailly when Jericho is doing the whispering. I liked this though, it was interesting. Jericho wins by swiping Rays mask off while he's in mid-619 (Rays over-used, and not painful looking special move). Ray basically freezes up and hides his face, which gives Jericho the oportunety to pin him. Jericho won the Intercontinental belt in this match, the 9th time he's won it, which is the most anyones ever won that belt. I've always liked Jericho, this match made me like him more.
CM Punk Vs Umaga;
A Samoan strap-match, umm, well, it was ok, was better the 2nd time I watched it. Interesting idea I guess, but it couldn't be done very often. Would get old real quick. CM Punk, the face, wins.
The Bash 2009-
This was very good, watched it just the other day, I can actually talk about this one!;
ECW Championship Scramble Match;
Christian is pretty good, but he's getting a it repetitive. This match had complicated rules, which I can't be bothered to explain, it was for the ECW championship. Christian starts off against Jack Swagger, a 3rd fighter joins about 2 minutes later, then a final 4th a couple minutes after that. They can pin each other as many times as they want, whoever had the last pin when the time runs out, wins. Finley was the 3rd, then finally we got Tommy Dreamer, who was the champion and still is at the end of the match. I'm quickly watching the match again now, yeah this match is pretty good, it gets real mental at the end, I was glad Dreamer keeps the belt at the end. Mark Henry was the last one to join.
Monday, 27 October 2008
Kids begging for money in Harrow, that's the Halloween spirit
It can be irritating, but they have a job to do, it's just a bit of an arseholes job, that's all. But that is nothing compared to parent's making their kids beg. There is something seriously wrong with a parent, in this case a mother, who dresses up their kids in Halloween costumes, and gets them to beg for money in the high street. I'm not referring to sweets, I mean cash, in a plastic pumpkin, in the hands of a little girl dressed up like a faerie... and not actually on Halloween. Her bitch of a mother probably uses the same costume at Christmas to do the exact same routine. I've seen this for at least 2 years now, theses kids looked about 7 years old. They're going to be fairly mental when they grow up, for sure.
I feel like going up to the mother to tell her that shes seriously fucked up, and that she should be ashamed of herself. But for someone to do what she does, I'm sure she'd be happy to either spit in my face, or stab me in the neck with the knife she used to remove the security tags from the Halloween costumes. There are loads of cops in Harrow, but I'm sure they're more worried about me driving my bicycle on the pavement, than begging 7 year olds.
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
Procrastination
It all started when I saw a great animation at uni the other day, it made me think, 'that is me'. One reason it was good was because it went from being funny to being quite serious, in a way.
Today I wanted to see it again, so I typed 'procrastination' into Google to make sure I spelt it right. The Wikipedia entry for 'procrastination' was one of the first search results to come up. I took a peek because I'm addicted to Wikipedia, and I'd also not considered the concept of procrastinating to be anything more than a word used in light conversation. It turns out procrastination is quite specific thing, which has a fascinating wiki entry. Fascinating especially to me because it describes me exactly, and I mean it, this is me, this is really really really me, so much so that it's scary. I've been told I should see a psychologist or something in the past, I didn't like the idea but I think I kind of should now, unless I can sort myself out in the next 2 months. I'm convinced I have at least some of the physiological disorders mentioned in that entry;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Procrastination
Perhaps specifically this one (or lack thereof);
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deferred_gratification
I then found the short film, which adds more to the fire;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXziurFkQxM
And then there is what I am doing now, which is procrastinating and this;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_addiction_disorder
So perhaps I should stop typing now... now, now... NOW... I Should do some work now. Maybe I'll tidy my room first.
Tuesday, 15 January 2008
Bomberman Live for Xbox Live Arcade
This is frikin amazing, I think I really do need to get a 360 and actually keep it this time. I chickened out the first time, I bought one about 6 months ago and instantly got cold feet due to the thoughts of 2 much money being spent and the fact that I couldn't think of any games I wanted all that much. I sold it the next day. This was before Bio Shock and Pacman Championship Edition had come out, I've also found out that games like Sonic 2 and (I think) Streets Of Rage 2 have 2 player online as well. More and more reasons to get a 360, get some of those points things, pay the online fee, play Xbox Live Arcade games, but hardly ever actually play normal 360 games. There are some pretty good (normal disk based) games out for it now, but let's face it, the 360 is a FPS monster. There's really not much else for it, oh, and driving games too, there's loads of them. It's gradually becoming more and more like a PC, I guess that's to be expected considering who made it.
Another thing about Bomberman; I thought my Bomberman online fantasy's had been answered when I got it on the DS, but perhaps no one plays it because no one is found on an online worldwide search when I play it. I sit the DS there for 10 minutes and no one joins in, it's so lame! ONCE one person joined, it was laggy (with one person!?) and I think I recall the dude just dropped out after 5 minutes. CRAP! But I guess games like Bomberman are always going to have lag, the 360 probably will as well.
Sunday, 13 January 2008
Sunday, 6 January 2008
Hong-Kong goes legal and Magicbox gets boring
Thursday, 27 December 2007
Ramblings 005
Gran Turismo
Friday, 23 November 2007
Lost Season 3 Episode 16 - Sayid for the WIN!
Sayid is now officially the best character in Lost. Simply because in episode 16 of season 3, he turns to Juliet and basically asks "WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?". Ok ok he didn't exactly say that, he says something like; Why are you people (the others) here, what are doing here, and why are you terrorizing us? The Lost "goodies" have been around the others a lot since about the end of season 2, but none of them had even tried to simply ask the others about what the hell is going on this damn island.
Until Sayid finally gets some alone time with Juliet, and asks her with that "I'm gonna torture you if you don't answer me" look in his eyes. I hope he tortues her anyway, and accidently kills her, because I don't really like her. Though then again, she does have some king-fu moves, so perhaps Sayid couldn't take her.
I've actually stopped mid episode just to write this. Sad, I know. So I don't know if she does answer his question. I'm guessing she won't, or she'll say what I'm guessing, which will be that they know little more than the rest of them, and that they're just following weird orders from some unknown source. Or maybe not, because surely they know what all those weirdos are for. I'm talking about the ones that went to see Jack whilst he was in the cage, and just looked at him like everything was ok, and got all shocked like when he tells them to shove off really loudly.
So anyway, I'm behind on Lost, I know season 3 has finished. I'm watching an unhealthy ammount of episodes each night though, so I'll catch up soon.
Wednesday, 24 October 2007
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studio_60
I started watching this series, not really knowing what to expect. I've never seen Aaron Sorkins other shows, like the popular West Wing, I can't remember why I started watching Studio 60. It's really good, I found each episode more engaging than the one before, so I was surprised to find that it's been canceled after the first season. Ironic to think that it was canceled probably due to ratings, when one of the reoccurring themes in the show is the shows ratings. In case you don't know, Studio 60 is about the behind the scenes goings on of a live comedy tv show, like Saturday Night Live (which it's based on).
I found it amusing also that there was an anti-product placement episode, even though I'm pretty sure the show itself has product placement, perhaps they just have a sense of humor. The most obvious is the Apple products. I saw lots of Macs, they even had the older models in the 5 to 6 year flash backs. I think they even said Macs, or iPod at some point. I also saw a Superman Returns dvd in the background, even though the show would have been aired ages before the release of said dvd.
3 or 4 increasingly bad things come up in the last 3 episodes, but the show ends on a surprisingly high note. I thought that at least one of those things would reach it's negative end, but all the problems were solved; (spoilers*) Like I thought at least Jordan would die in the hospital, or whatisnames brother would get killed by the terrorists.
But I guess it's a good thing that everything was happy in the end, because that really was the end. There weren't even really any loose ends, no cliff hangers, nothing. I expected there to be, it would have been annoying to have one for a canned series. Perhaps it was all tied up because they knew it was going to be canceled before they finished recording the last episodes, it really did have that feeling of finality.
Though, of course, I do feel a bit empty inside (*quietly weeps*). Such a feeling of 'what ifs', what would they have done in season 2? Probably expanded on some of the lesser characters. Oh also I did forget that they didn't have the cold turkey episode with the main dude, I expected there to be one. But perhaps they exaggerated the seriousness of the drugs he was taking, Danny Trip did say in the last episode that he was taking pain killers, which doesn't sound very serious.
Anyway, I'm rambling on. So yeah, I recommend Studio 60, but don't get too attached, because it's almost definitely never coming back.
Friday, 12 October 2007
Hell freezes over and Mean Machines Sega fanart becomes a reality
From Messenger;
Oly says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............
Oly says:
O......... M............ G
Oly says:
the world is at an end.....
Oly says:
Sonic............... is in smash brothers
Severina says:
so?
Oly says:
so?
Oly says:
so???
Oly says:
SOOO?????
Oly says:
SOOOOOOOOOO!!?!?!?!???!?
Oly says:
THE WORLD IS AT AN ENNNNNNNNNNNDD!!!
Oly says:
The infinite 90's 16bit battle is at an END!
Oly says:
ummmm.... i dont know what im on.
That's me being stupid. Sonic is in Super Smash Bros. Brawl for the Wii, oh yes, he is. I know he's also with Mario in that Olympics game, but that doesn't count in my book. That's almost the same as having Mario and Louigi in that Peter anti-KFC game in which Kernel Sanders is a psycho killer.
For anyone who was at the forefront of the the battle between the Sega Megadrive and Nintendo's NES and SNES, this is a big deal. I'm hoping they'll put in some witty historical jokes in there, but they probably won't. It should be the main theme of the entire game; Sonic Vs Mario, but it probably won't.
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
Messy Facebook
Friday, 21 September 2007
Playstation 2 lives on
Magicbox reported;
"Sony's president Kazuo Hirai announced that the company will strengthen the PS2 software lineup, due to continuous high demands of the console, even after shipping 120 million units worldwide. Sony will publish numerous game titles for PS2, and they expect the life time of PS2 to last much longer than PSone."
I always did think that the last generation (PS2, Xbox, etc) of consoles were super seeded too quickly, even the PS2, which had been around for a lot longer than the Xbox. The console life spans are getting longer with each generation, I don't think the new generation should be replaced until they've been alive for 10 years. It says here that they expect the life of the PS2 to go on for a long time. I bet you they didn't "expect" this fact until recently, when they saw how badly the PS3 has been doing. When the PS3 came out, all the PS2 stuff dropped in price, and many who don't care about being on the bleeding edge have used this opportunity to get some great games for cheap. The Playstation 2 is still the best console out there, and it will always have the largest sales figures, even at the end of the Xbox 360s life.
Thursday, 20 September 2007
Ramblings 004
Pop ups
I'm suddenly getting pop ups in Internet Explorer for the first time in like, 3 years. I have been close to completely going back to using IE recently, since it's gotten closer to being as good as Opera. The problem with Opera is that it has difficulty with some sites like Rotten Tomatoes, but I won't be getting rid of it since this problem with IE. Besides, Opera has loads of other things I like anyway, like remembering my tabs, and the best RSS feed manager in the history of the universe.
Playstation 3 Home
It's been delayed until spring 2008, which is ridiculous. That makes the reasons I wanted to own a PS3 at Christmas go down from 2 to 1. The first being that Silent Hill 5 will be coming out next year, but who knows, maybe it won't come out till late in the year. Besides, Silent Hill 5 will be on Xbox 360 as well, perhaps I'll buy one of those again for the 3rd time. Maybe I should just wait until SH5 comes out, and then buy a 360, it'll be cheaper than it will be at Christmas, and it'll always be cheaper than the PS3.
Virtua Fighter 5
Will be out in Japan on December 6, 2007 for Xbox 360. It'll have online play, which is cool but it'll be crap and hated by serious players for it's lag.
Metal Slug 7
SNK Playmore announced Metal Slug 7 for Nintendo DS... If they use the same sprites again, I won't know if I should laugh of cry.
In other news
I'm writing about pointless stuff instead of doing something useful, like drinking coffee... I, I mean doing like, Uni work and stuff.
Saturday, 15 September 2007
Ramblings 002
Treasures new DS games - Bangai-O sequal
Treasures new Nintendo DS count down ended, and revealed it to be a new Bangai-O. A pleasant surprise, but I wonder if they're going to stick with those tiny sprites on the DS.
Basara X video
Another Basara X video. I guess this shows it in it's final form, which makes me suddenly kinda loose interest. It doesn't really look that great, does it? It's no Street Fighter 3, for sure, it looks kind of boring actually.
Chase HQ 2 video
Cam job video of Chase HQ 2. Looks fun, but wouldn't be any good at home on a console.
Does anyone read this?
Well, DOES anyone read any of my blog AT ALL?! I was just wondering, that's all. I mean, I'm not too bothered really, I mostly do this for myself. I use it to vent out random things. I hardly get any comments at all, I think I have like, 2. If you do read it, could you please just leave me a quick comment?
Back to University soon
I'm due back on about the 24th, I don't know why I'm even bothering.
Saturday, 8 September 2007
Ramblings 001
I'm not writing in this blog enough. I'm not sure why, I think it's because I only add something if I have a lot to say. From now on I'm going to write about anything I want, even if it's mind numbingly boring. The topics may be sporadic and random but I don't care, I just like chatting breeze, even if know ones listening. It's a kind of venting. Oh and as you can see, I'm also not going to make much of an effect at making clear sense.
So here goes.
SNK's Neo Geo 2?
SNK were making a new chip in the late 90's which was going to be used in a console that was basically a new Neo Geo. It would have had a home version and an arcade version just like the Neo did. If anyone has found the portal to the alternative dimension in which SNK didn't get man handled by Aruze, please email me. Here's the full story (yes that's write, I'm recycling news like a right twat);
UPDATE! - blogger is telling me I can't post this entry because the url link contains illegal characters. I'm not sure what that means, perhaps it's Billy Kane and Blue Mary. These illegal characters should just go away, they should be banned... :P
To get to the link click here or click on 'new Neo Geo', which is in the second line of this "article". I'm making this too complicated aren't I? Well let's just say that from now on the links are going to be in the main body of the text.
I love Treasure
Here's a count down to the announcement of a new Nintendo DS game that Treasure is party responsible for.
Thursday, 16 August 2007
The milking of Final Fantasy
It was bad enough when there was only the core series, but it's even worse now that there's several different versions, and several different side projects on just about every console. Loads of different Final Fantasy 13's, loads of new Final Fantasy 7's (forgive me if I got the numbers wrong, I've lost track), the list goes on, I'm sick of it all. Whatever Squenix, I ain't taking a ride on your gravy train of shite.
Thursday, 5 July 2007
Heroes season 1
I just wanted to comment on the first season of the TV series Heroes for a second. I'm avoiding spoilers. I'm very tired so this is going to be a mess.
I'd heard that the end was disappointing, well I can tell you that I didn't think it was all that bad. There could have been more fighting, and the fighting that was present could have been a lot more high octane.
The last 5 or so episodes quickly made the series feel a lot more like a super-hero comic book, which could be a good or a bad thing, depending on the viewer. Each episode also became more messy, with pointless and confusing stuff happening all over the place. Like the cop dude and that lot easily escaping from the paper factory, which was a pointless scene anyway. What's the point of them being caught, if they just escape 5 minutes later? I guess it was an excuse to get that group of characters together. Speaking of groups, I swear characters just randomly ran into each other on the street way too many times. I know it's all about destiny, but come on, people aren't just going to run into each other all the time like that.
SPOILERS AHEAD (KINDA)
Lot's of characters end up looking pretty dead in the last episode, but by the end of it, it looks like pretty much everyone survives. I reckon this is a bit lame, because even though I don't like seeing characters getting killed off, it's still a brave thing to do, and I don't think the creators have the balls to do it. They did at first though, they killed Peters girl, and that bird who can remember everything. So yeah, in the last episode, you see the cop get filled with lead, and then he looks totally dead. But then you see him getting taken off to hospital, looking not too bad anymore. Also earlier, DL gets shot in the gut, a sure fire way to get killed real quick and painfully. We even see him looking dead at the end of episode 22, but then suddenly he's conscious again at the start of episode 23. He then survives through the entire episode and walks off looks only slightly hurt at the end. Sylor (spelling?) also gets "killed", but then sneaks off at the end without anyone even noticing. You'd think that their first priority would be to check that he really is dead.
Another stupid thing is how quickly Hiro learn't how to use the sword through his fathers training. But even so, they must have been doing for hours, so I'm not supprised his buddy buggered off.
The only character who is most likely dead is Peters brother, Nathan. But even then, he could have dropped Peter, and then flown off to get to a safe distance before Peter exploded. But who cares anyway, Nathan is a lame character. The woman who can email you without a computer should have been in the season more often, she was cool... kinda.
The season ends with a little teaser for the second one. We find that Hiro has traveled by mistake back to ancient Japan. He witnesses warriors that have that S symbol thingy on them, and then that weird eclipse thing happens. Apparently the eclipse is hidden in the show quite often, though I've mostly only seen it in the obvious place, which is the title screen.
With Heroes having the element of time travel, it's quite possible for the show to continue the same story in season 2. The story of a "bomb" going off could still be the main point in season 2, even though I'm thinking that could be a bit lame (milking it, so to speak). There's some reasons why I think this, one of them is this; In the future episode we see that Future Hiro is very different. He speaks English perfectly, he's better with his powers, and he's better with the sword. I'm pretty sure this Hiro didn't get like that by hanging around NYC (is that where it is?) for 5 years, making time lines out of strings*. He also mentions to normal Hiro that he's been in many battles (after normal Hiro comments on the worn sword). So this must mean that he becomes like that through living in ancient Japan for a while. I mean, he can time travel, so surely that means he could be a lot more than 5 years older, he could spend like 10 years in the past, and then go forward to the '5 years gone' episode. But then why would he have lost hope?... Damn I'm talking shit, not thinking straight, that's not going to happen because that wouldn't make sense. They DID change history... I think. Unless the explosion still does happen later. But the ending to season 1 shows that in Heroes, the future can be changed, that the future isn't set in stone. This means that there can't be loops. So the Heroes time line conveniently can't fall into a time paradox.
I'm going, bye!
*On a side note, I'm surprised Future Hiro doesn't appear to understand the concept of alternative futures. Why is he so glum if he can just go back in time and fix everything?
Tuesday, 3 July 2007
Thursday, 28 June 2007
Nintendo are truly back
Variety Asia reported that the top three Japanese game publishers are redirecting their development resources from Sony and Microsoft platforms to Nintendo's. Bandai Namco will increase Nintendo platform development by 109% to 115 titles; Sega will increase support by 96% to 49 titles this year; and Capcom will increase 5% to 20 titles.
Variety Asia mentioned that Nintendo expects to ship 26.8 million units of Wii, Nintendo DS and GameBoy Advance software in the 2007 financial year, comparing to only 23.3 million units of software for PS3/PS2/PSP platforms.
UNCONFIRMED: In addition, Square Enix expressed that they do not plan to develop any more new titles for Playstation 3 until the console install base rises to a profit making level.
RUMOR: Sony will release a new "Waggle-Wall" bundle pack for PlayStation 2 in Christmas, for US$99, the Waggle-Wall is a Wii Remote type motion sensing controller, to compete with Wii. Sony has already registered the new controller for patent protection in December 2006.
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
I've realized that I only feel like writing on this blog when I feel sad and depressed. This post is another one, though, it's not going to be as negative as the last one. An entry that I just read and was quite shocked at how utterly bleak it was. Nothing much has changed since that entry, but I guess I'm not feeling quite as bad as I was then.
This blog has been neglected due to my dicovery of Facebook. I kept hearing about it and getting invites, at first I ignored them, but I eventually gave in and joined. I thought it was just going to be another one of those sites that I would join, use three times, and then would leave to gather dust. I also only joined it for a small superficial reason, that ended up defunked anyway. But Facebook has turned out to be entertaining and somewhat addictive, only time will tell if this will last, but it's certainly not just another Flickr photo scorage site that I thought it was going to be. I'm not going to tell you about what it does and how it works though, I can't be bothered. I'm not writing this entry for that reason, I'm writing it to get off my chest what Facebook has done to be, or rather, how it's effected me.
So first of all, the stuff that I find boring to write, also known as the positive things; Facebook has very suddenly given me contact with many old friends that I'd lost touch with. When I say old friends, I should really just be saying 'my' friends, because they are my only friends, there are no others. I've lost touch with almost all of my friends, which I have probably mentioned in an older post. So it's great to get a chance to see them again, I've already met up with one that I probably hadn't seen in at least three years. The funny thing is that Facebook makes people want to communicate with each other, even though a lot of these old friends did in fact already have alternative means to contacting me. What I'm trying to say is that many of us have friends numbers, but can't be bothered to use them, but without Facebook, I don't think we would have bothered to arrange a big get together tomorrow. Damn, I can't explain myself, nevermind, on to the next thing.
Now on to the crappy stuff. Facebook relies heavily on photos, everyone uploads photos and they almost always have real names on them. No longer are people hiding behind screen names, they also seem to be happier to share their not so great photos with the world. This is all great, but damn, looking at all those old photos can be depressing! My old mates have loads of photos of the 'good old days', something that I don't posses, due to the that I don't really ever use a camera. I'm trying to make it a habit it now, because I'm now realizing how important it is to hang on to these memories. I'm annoyed at myself for not realizing in the past how important some events and places were. So many things happened which I just did, and didn't think for a second that it would have been nice to have a photo of it. So at least others like Alan C. had the foresight to take loads of random photos 10 years ago. Or maybe that's a bad thing, because most of them bring up that question again that I always ask my self; Am I as happy as I used to be?
The answer is usually no, even when I take the factor of past glorification into account. I'm looking at photos of past places that have been replaced by crap. I'm looking at groups of great friends that no longer exist. I don't blame myself for most of these occurrences, but I still should have kept in better contact with these people. When I think about the bits that I do have control over, I suddenly wonder how the hell I got to where I am now. I chose a road that was supposed to lead to a happier, more fulfilled life. I remember feeling right about these major decisions when I made them, like slacking at work, like going back to college, trying to make new friends, ending a relationship, and going to university. They seemed so right at the time, but now they almost entirely seem wrong.
Seeing a lot of those Facebook photos makes me glum, but I'm glad they're there. I've dug up the few photos that I have, and I'm going to scan them so that I can but them onto Facebook. Doing this lead me to looking through said old photos. I was surprised with what I found, many of them are of my x girlfriend, I'd forgotten they existed. These photos probably won't be going up on the site. They involve two very happy looking people, a guy and a girl in love. When I looked at these pictures, I suddenly remembered those times quite vividly. I could remember what old clothes felt like on my skin, and I could remember what it was like to live somewhere else. I remembered what it was like to be with Jackie back then when I lived at Paul's house. I wasn't there for very long, and I wasn't in the place after that long either, but I think they were the times Jackie and I were the most happy. It's crazy to look back now at the relationship as a whole. What I mean is that it's crazy to think about how it went all wrong, I can't point out the exact moment it started to fall apart. I think it was my fault, I think I could have prevented it if I'd been more loving. I didn't realize at the time how happy she had made me, I'd completely forgotten how depressed I was when I was alone. I was so lucky to have such beautiful and funny girlfriend, I should have stayed with her forever. I foolishly thought I'd be happy by myself, it's utterly terrifying and painful being alone. The photos really reminded me of what it was like to be with with her. But shes now with someone else, and I no longer remember what it's like to be loved. Actually no, I do remember what it was like, which makes it worse. I am no longer loved, it's all gone. I'll never be in those photos again, that me is gone, a distant, fading memory.
I hope I'll meet someone else, but I'm an ugly, weird person who only Jackie liked and understood. I can't see how anyone else could bare to be with me. I wish I could go back in time and just re-live the past over and over again, because I have no future here.

