Half an hour, definitely half an hour blog today as this is definitely procrastinating today.

I feel terrible today. I've been feeling bad for days now, it started almost a week ago, maybe? I thought it would ended by now. Wasn't sure how I'd feel today but I should have known judging from how bad I felt as soon as I woke up in my bed. Not as bad as I've felt many times in the past when I've opened my eyes but it certainly felt familiar. Small things are triggering me, things that really should upset me or least should just bug me for a maximum of five minutes.

  More on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Halloween Rain'

The other thing that the cover brings to mind is the old school Photoshop text and framing, well, I assume it's Photoshop or something similar. I mean, it looks already really. It's the "modern" font as in it's the font the show used for most of its run, just not its first season. Or was it less than one season? I'm a bit confused because this book came out in the first year of the show so how is it using the logo / font from season 2? Maybe I'm wrong and that changed the logo in the show quicker than I remember.

You may have noticed that in my ramblings about this novel, I haven't said much about the actual story-line. Well I'm almost half way through and it's really quite basic. In fact I'm surprised to see where my bookmark is because so far almost the entire story has been about the three main (original) Scooby gang hanging out at the Bronze for a Halloween party. I say story though it's more like just a detailed account of their conversations with each other and occasionally some others at the party. It's not even done in a very dramatic way, making it feel like this part of the book probably has little or nothing to do with the plot involving Halloween rain which brings scarecrows to life. That element, the whole point of the book, has been mentioned so far but only briefly.

They immediately put the facts out there about the rain and the scarecrows, come to think of it, no built up or mystery. So I'm starting to think that after the Bronze scene, they'll come across some scarecrows, fight them, win and that'll be the end of the book. Will there be any surprise twists or things being turned on their heads, like the show often does?

All this is making it sound like I hate it and that it's rubbish but I'm really enjoying reading it. Don't get me wrong, even with my limited book reading knowledge (especially in the past 15 or so years) I can tell that most would consider this novel to be complete garbage. It is a 1997 book based on a TV show, after all. Probably also aimed at young teens though I'm not saying that because I think the show is too. Well, I dunno, maybe it was at first but it's watched (or was) by people of many ages and it's not some dumb show for kids. A lot of people like Saved by the Bell and I wouldn't say it's rubbish but there's a certain dumbness to it and a certain simplicity to it. Buffy is way above Saved by the Bell, it has insanely more depth...

Look at me defending Buffy and why the hell am I comparing it to Saved by the Bell?! I had a point but Saved by the Bell probably isn't the best example.

So why am I liking the novel so far? So much so that I want the next one! Well, like I said, almost all of what I read is them in the Bronze. Because it's a book and perhaps because I'm a slow reader, it's like watching an episode except it's in real time. They chat to each other a lot more, it's like they really are there for the night. And even though on one level I'm sure the writing is simple, I'm surprised at how well written it actually is. This probably has a lot to do with how bad I am at words, writing, etc, which shows in this blog. The novel uses words and descriptive sentences which I'm not used to, especially since I basically never read fiction anymore.

However, I think in my last post on here, I said about the "hip" 90's slang like 'so' and 'way', it's even worse than I thought. I've read more now and they use it SO often, and not in the way I just used it which actually makes more sense than they do in the book. Actually do these even count as slang? The book goes use more clear 90's slang but it doesn't often repeat them. You know what I mean, even in a bad book if someone said 'that's totally radical', the writer isn't going to use it loads of times because it stands out to both them and the readers. They'd only use it more if they were being ironic or pointing out a character is stupid.

I reckon 'so' and 'way' were deeper in peoples minds in the 90's. I don't doubt the writers were still aware they were putting them in this book, but they may have been thinking that it's literally how people speak now. Like that way the youngsters are speaking is going to stick around. I dunno, maybe not. I'm struggling to explain myself. What I'm saying is it's how kids spoke back then, it was beyond slang. They're more like the word 'cool' which is slang but it's so popular that it's been around for decades and it's still used today. If someone says 'cool' in 2020, no matter their age, I doubt the ones around them are going to think "That's so old fashioned". 'Cool' just got that popular, perhaps partly because it's simpler than a lot of other slang.

'So' and 'way' didn't stick around so much but I guess it was just easy to slip it into the book back then. I guess you can't tell what's going to sound incredibly dated when you're living it, living in the now. I say it like I loath it but what's wrong with things sounding dated? Those kinds of things are just nostalgic for me now, even though 'so' and 'way' weren't used much in the UK, as far as I remember. Things like this simply ground the subject in the era or place it's set in or was written in.

I was going to go through my episodes notes, ran out of time.

One of the Buffy Albums, not really what I was looking for. I talk a bit about the albums later in this post.
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Stress

I'm writing this at 13:22 which is odd for me, I write on here late usually, in fact I may have never written on here this early in the day. I feel like doing it now though, perhaps because I and Buffy and Angel on my mind after doing some research one the soundtracks. That wasn't supposed to take long but it took exactly can hour, since I've been keeping track of how long I so things, it's quite shocking how long I spend on some things. I can struggle to sit down for an hour to learn how to use Blender (the 3D program) but doing other stuff is a breeze and the time will fly by. It's quite obvious why; one doesn't require much thinking. I guess searching for soundtracks requires very little brain power and is kind of fun.

Writing this blog is also something that is easy and time just flies by, I've again given myself half an hour today.

I've been meaning to look up the soundtracks for weeks, mostly because I noticed I liked the episode scores, especially for Angel. They remind me of some of the music from the game called Parasite Eve. I did manage to find some and I'm in the process of downloading them though there seems to be far more Buffy ones than Angel. Yes I'm being a dirty pirate, I'm probably not going to buy them.

It's kinda interesting to me (but no one else) to see that a lot of the soundtracks were released after the shows had finished, some by quite some years. It probably interests me purely for my unhealthy obsession with the past, the feelings I get through this make sense to me but it's hard to explain in works. I could maybe explain it but I can't be bothered at the moment, I'm not in the mood.

I'm meeting up with my mum tomorrow, last time I saw her was last Monday. The week leading up to that Monday was good but this past week has been pretty crappy, especially the past three days. This week has gradually got worse and worse but it's not like anything that bad has happened, not exactly. It's more like stuff just going around in my head.

One of the reasons why I'm writing on here this early is because how how shit I feel today. A couple of things did happen the past two days but I don't think they're the reason for my mood, they were just small things that opened the flood gates. Something like that. I think it's my lists, which I haven't explained much on here so most of this probably won't make any sense if anyone else ever reads this.

My lists, my scheduling, they've been good for about 41 or so days but it's become repetitive this past week (I'm on day 48 now), it's getting boring so I'm losing motivation. I kinda new this was coming because it's natural for most, it's a good idea to keep things interesting by mixing things up. The problem though is that the only way I know how to do that is to do completely different things. In other words, quit projects and start new ones, that seems like a bad idea because I'll get no where that way.

That leads on to the next problem -  I was satisfied with my small, gradual progress with my projects but this week I've been looking at my overall progress and it feels like I've done almost nothing. Like, yeah I've made a bit of progress but it's so small that I'm worrying that they're a waste of time and that I'm too old. I'll be too old or dead by the time I can put any of these projects to good use. By the way I'm just calling them projects to simplify things, what I mean by them is things like learning how to draw, etc.

This worrying about being too old to do this stuff isn't new, I've had this issue many times in the past. The thing is it would be nice to think of these projects as "just for fun" but I've tried that and that's not how my brain works. Perhaps THAT'S something I should work on, when it comes to self-improvement.

I may write random, out of context paragraphs on here today because my mind feels muddled. Like this one - The other reason I'm writing on here right now is an attempt to get my thoughts straightened out. There may be a little bit of procrastinating going on, too.

Buffy Books

Oh yeah, I forgot I can make bold, underlined titles as well. There's more I wanted to say about the Halloween Rain book I mentioned yesterday. My alarm just went off but I'll give myself another half an hour, I feel like writing here is therapeutic today. I'm starting to think that a maximum of one hour on each thing I want to do in a day is a good way of looking at it. Anyway, the book - I mentioned the front cover (which I posted yesterday), I released why it stood out to me... wait, did I already say this in my last post? I think I may have mentioned it but I'll elaborate -  It features Giles and Buffy in the season 1 library, looking at us, or rather the camera. In fact it's more of a stare, especially Giles who looks surprised.

You never see the characters look at the camera in the show, of course, and I think this is what I mentioned yesterday. That's part of it but the new thing I realized, the other thing that makes it stand out, is that it makes the viewer feel like they're actually there in the scene. It's like you're a character in the show, you've just walked in and are about to speak to these great characters. This is an interesting tactic and was possibly intentional by the photographer and / or whoever created these books. This may all sound like I'm overthinking things but I've learnt recently that things created in our world are usually a lot more complicated than you think. Or a process behind a creative thing has a lot more levels and thought put into it.

Or hand-stands, I've been learning how to do one. Such a simple looking, basic thing, you'd think. Yeah I'm sure many will be sure you have to be physically fit to do them but I'm sure lots will see people doing them in gymnastics on TV and not give it a second though. You'll see someone do it and it'll look pretty average. But I've been learning them and the more you try, the more you realize how many tiny things are going on, both with balance and parts of your body. I've gradually become more and more aware of the small things parts of my body are doing, for example the tiny differences in the placements of my hands. I'm not even good at them yet by the way.

Back to the book. While I was writing about the front over in one of the above paragraphs, it reminded me of something I've noticed in myself over the past week - I'm becoming obsessed with the Buffy and Angel TV shows... perhaps. And I'm probably going to say even more stuff about this book soon which will make me look even more crazy, but hell, that is what this blog is for. I've been watching it for way more than a week but before this week, I wouldn't think about it much until it was night time when it was time to watch it, now I'm finding myself thinking more and more about it in the day, looking forward to it. And today, of course, looking the soundtracks and writing on here about it for an hour. Besides it being a brilliant franchise, the obsession is probably coming from my crappy week, I'm wanting to escape the crappyness and avoid the projects I gave myself because they're gradually feeling more like chores.

More about the book and this is were I go into weird territory and why I might delete my link to this blog on my Facebook page, because I'm about to sound very sad. Not that I use FB at all anymore and no one looks at it, they barely did even when I did use it. Also the link is on the About page, who ever looks at that page anymore? No one. I started re-watching Buffy out of nostalgia, a kind of obsessive, most likely unhealthy obsession I have with nostalgia. I'm using the word obsessive way too much, look at me with my terrible, limited writing skills. So here I am, still watching it a while after I started, past the half way point and progressing through Angel as well. The shows get better and better, for the most part, one would argue that season 1 of both shows are the worst. I feel bad saying that because they're still great compared to most shows but they're still a bit weak. This is standard for most TV shows however, they often ramp up and the creators get warmed up and become more skilled. Oh and the actors. Everyone who is involved.

When it comes to Buffy and Angel, the earlier the season, the less characters there are. Take Buffy, it's kind of shocking how simple everything is in season 1 and the show even focuses more on self-contained story episodes, monster of the week or whatever it's called. Buffy and Angel never completely abandon this structure but the over-arching season stories become more prevalent with each season. This is helped by the growing cast which stops even the self-contained episodes from feeling completely one shot. It also makes the fictional world feel more real, more alive.

(I've been on here for an hour now, doh)

With all that said - I'm on season 5 of Buffy now and even though it's great, reading Halloween Rain... makes me nostalgic for season 1... yes, I'm mental and I don't think I've totally grasped what that means yet. To be honest the book isn't long and I'm not even half way through it yet so this nostalgia largely comes from that flippin' front cover. It's like looking at a lost episode of season one which I never saw. Reading the actual book as well is like having an episode I never saw. Which shows how much I'm willing to suspend my disbelief because the book is not cannon. If someone read it when it was brand new, it probably was considered cannon but that become untrue very fast.

(BTW I just put on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer The Album' in the hopes I could listen to it while writing this but as expected, it's the songs from the early seasons. As in, singing. I didn't mind those bits in the Bronze in the show but I wouldn't listen to them now. I'm more interested in the Score. There's literally one Score kinda track on this album, it's the last one)

My suspension of disbelief is also strong because it isn't written by the Joss Whedon, it's not even written by any of the shows writers. Besides small cannon issues which I mentioned in my previous post, there's some other problems - OK I haven't read much of it yet but I can see that the characters... actually no, I will say now they 'sound' is really quite good. I think it's just often in the back of my head that this isn't "actually" them, if you know what I mean. The characters really do sound like they do, especially Xander (so far). I don't know how they did it, it's so early in the show so I thought the writers would have got their personalities quite wrong.

It's not perfect though - So far Willow is kind of a non-character... actually that's quite fitting for season one Willow, she had a pretty one dimensional personality back then, I even wrote about that on here about a month ago. Xander is... Xander, perhaps a bit TOO much Xander, in fact. So far he hasn't had any normal lines, every line is Xanders style of joke but nothing else. He could just say some regular things sometimes, perhaps the book doesn't have time for that. The only other issue I can think of right now is what a review pointed out before I started reading it and they were right - The lingo, the slang is a little off. They say 'so' and 'way' rather a lot, though actually this is kind of nostalgic for me in a 90's era kind of way, and I can see myself getting used to saying 'so' again in my every day life, like a saddo.

They'll say things like "This is so not my way of thinking" or "This is way cool", though that last one may be too cheesy even for this book but it's just an example, they do have lines somewhere along the... lines of the that one. The thing is, to the writers credit, this kind of slang was still pretty prevalent in 1997. But contrary to popular believe the show didn't use them THAT much and also didn't have THAT many pop-culture references, which the book also does sometimes. Perhaps it was pointed out when the show was on because back then shows didn't do it much, but I'd say it became standard after Buffy and nowadays because don't even think about it if a character mentions Star Trek or whatever.

(Looks like all of my soundtrack torrents are struggling with seeds, unsurprisingly Buffy and Angel isn't exactly popular anymore)

 Back to the nostalgia thing. So yeah wow, season one books, ay, what a strange thing I didn't know existed. Another thing about the photo on the cover is that it just looks OLD, I mentioned this here when I first came across these photos online and started posting them on here. They somehow look older and dated than when you actually watch the seasons that coincide with them, the fashion, the hairstyles, they're all so 90's. And now they look even older, now that I'm on season five. The later seasons, due to the natural progression of time (haha) look more modern but I have to stop myself to remember that it's only about four years after season one. This 'oh yeah it's modern now' feeling gets shocked out of my system at the end of every episode when I see that '2000' in the credits, reminding me that it may be five whole seasons into the show but that was still twenty.. TWENTY years ago.

... I dread to look up Antony Steward Head now... is he dead now? I'm not gonna do it, not yet. I already accidentally did that with that dude from season one of Angel, who sadly died young, not long after he died in the shows story.

I keep going off on s tangent, not talking about the book. I guess I don't have anything else to say about it, for now. Wait, no there's something, even though I've pretty much already said it - It's so simple, such a little cast, just Xander, Giles, Willow and Buffy. Maybe Angel later? I don't know. Oh, Joyce, Buffy's mum is there too, of course.

Buffy Notes

I keep going back and forth between using letter and numbers don't I, oops. I gotta go but I want to say one last thing - When I first started writing on here about Buffy, I often wrote notes down while watching it. At some point I kept doing this but wasn't writing on here, then I stopped even writing the notes. Now I have a load of notes which I haven't "translated" to here, which bugs me. It would take ages to do though and like most of the stuff on here, it's mostly nonsense anyway. It's mostly me just saying "Oh I forgot so and so arrived on the show this early" or "I forgot this happened at this point". I started to see this pattern and it made me realize it may be all a bit pointless. I also ended up wanting to just watch the show without interruptions.

I'm off ciao.